Be a Door

In her blog, 'Pieces of me," Amanda Owen does such a beautiful job of describing the relationship between a child with extraordinary needs and his or her siblings...she lays out 5 emotions that those siblings can experience on any given day... She then goes on to share the importance for those siblings to help open the way for success and opportunity for their struggling brother or sister.  "Be a door," she says.

The 5 Emotions a Sibling Experiences are highlighted below.  

Guilt- because they have a disability and you do not.  

Jealousy- fighting for parents’ attention is a child thing, but maybe a little more magnified when their sibling has a disability. Along with thinking that their sibling gets the “easy” way out of things such as chores, school work and other responsibilities and we the “typical” developing sibling will always be held to higher expectations.

Embarrassment- it’s not the disability itself that is embarrassing but situations that come along with it. We might always be scanning the room to see if others  are watching or noticing that we do things “different”.

Hate- sometimes it’s just needing to hate the disability, not the person

The 3 P’s (Pride, Protective, Possession)

Pride- that God chose them to be their sibling and the realization that their sibling will teach them more about life than anything.

Protective – becoming the shield that blocks and pushes back the negativity in the world  associated with disabilities.

Possession- the feeling that no one else can support or love their siblings like they can.

 I often worried that my two older children would resent their brother for the attention he demanded, the things that were broken in fits of rage and the drama that we daily endured in our home and in public... And to an extent that is true.  I have no doubt there were times they resented him.  They have had to walk this journey with us and have endured the stress and challenges of having a child in our home with extraordinary needs.  However, what I have seen over the years was not as much resentment but a growing in grace, compassion and empathy... My oldest recently son came home and shared about someone that was struggling at work.  He was frustrated with the lack of patience and empathy he felt the other coworkers were affording him.  He then said that he figured something out.  He just had to find that boy's niche - find an area in which he could shine.  Then he said, "you taught me that, mom..."

Yeah, I'm pretty sure my kids get it in the best way they know how. Be  a door.... ❤️  This was a powerful message.

https://piecesofme.org/2019/05/31/the-emotional-impact-of-being-a-sibling-to-a-brother-sister-with-a-disability/